so it was a chilly day as i strutted out of my house today.
heading towards the tall buildings of the melbourne central business district.
there was a slightly heavy breeze blowing my way. an ever so slight one.
As the buildings loomed over me, the wind mysteriously got stronger.
alas, the miracles of this earth.
as the clock struck six and the birds came down to sing, we headed to our generic destination to sit and talk about our thoughts on communism. as one does.
before turning the corner. a thought struck a particular member of our crew.
hotpot was the key word.
the key term
the key to our souls
as we sat at our table with our beers deciding our near futures.
And it was decided.
after overcoming a few hicups, hot pot it was.
we ventured towards the steamy shop
the boy who shall not be named had THE FUNNIEST PHENOMENON occur to his glasses.
As soon as we invaded the premises his glasses fogged up, and boy did that make my day.
but perhaps not my whole day. for this was a Buffet.
correct.
an all you can eat destination for all the Hungry people . and of course for those who were also not so hungry, but were simply persuaded by others to eat.
as time ticked, like a bomb. we hastily filled our plates, and dished it all into the depths of our pot of chilly and nonchilly soup base.
the chilli soup base was chilli.
tears pouring down our faces, we reminisced of our heartwrenching moments, provoked by the incredibly compassionate background remixes. it was an atmosphere one will never forget.
and then. from afar simon spotted a treasure.
with his eagle eyes pudding was spotted. DESSERT!
Our table was already full of meat and sauce, of bones and soup. but even with the distraction of the steamy hotpot, the steam which was the arch enemy of all myopic candidates, pudding was spotted.
thats right pudding.
PUDDING we chanted, as our mouths were swallowing the remains of the meat left on our plates.
pudding was the last piece of the puzzle. the last segment of the sequence.
it would perfect our day
perfect our lives.
perfect this world.
but with every story comes a twist.
a twist so dark, so tragic, that only real men can withstand.
as simon and i chanted and hoped to complete our souls, a cold objected prodded at our two heads.
at first we were too elated upon the siting of such treasure we neglected the two barrels at our temples.
a harsh shout and a rough grunt brought us back to reality for a moment. a moment which will be remembered for the rest of our lives.
our myopic friend, with the addition of his newly acquired opaque set of spectacles , was pointing two guns at us.
well at the start i thought he wasn't aiming right, i mean how could one see through such thick fog.
why would such a nice man carry two guns by his side? what is he a pirate?
exactly.
it was such a strange event.
but ho, strange things happen in these parts. strange things happen when your in a room where the myopic and the hyperopic become exorcisms of forgone devils.
well anyway,
two guns were pointed at our heads. we laughed it off and tried to veer the guns away from messing with our precious hair.
in the flash of a second, without uttering a single sound. the gunman fired.
blood soared across the room, and through the hardcore remixes a distinctive thud of a human body collapsing was heard.
the pudding man had been executed.
commiserations towards that man.
but wait. should it not be commiserations to those who HAVE NOT HAD PUDDING.
although yes this man was the fulfiller of life. His life was fulfilled.
but ours.
WHAT OF OURS.
the only man in the whole entire world to be able to make pudding,
had just fallen to his demise
because of one person.
one person who refused to allow others to complete their souls
refused us entry into the heavens.
refused our existence into the realm of satisfaction.
it was chaos.
screams were heard from all corners of the building. the store owners were panicng over the blood smeared across their merchandise. the myopic and hyperopic were running around like blind sheep, oblivious to the current scene of gore. news reporters were fast to respond as the media approached the scene. cell phones began to ring as family members checked to make sure their loved ones were unscathed.
the remaining food left on the tables, was left solitary, even that beautiful black forest which sat adjacent to our table. that grand beauty. sat there as if calling out for someone to eat it.
we were devastaed.
absolutely shocked.
outraged.
bewildered.
it was unbelievable.
the pudding man was no more.
and the extra few puddings.
SOMEONE HAD STOLEN THEM FROM THE CASE.
some mother fucker had selfishly stolen the remaining pudding and devoured it themselves. that bastard.
what do they know of soul completion .
all our years of pain and sorrow. all our efforts to reach this very moment.
RUINED.
epic failure.
time slowed down for me.
it was at that moment.
20 years of existence on the planet earth.
i relived it all.
every meal, every moment, every dream. my memories flooded my mind.
it is unclear what happend aftewards.
noone seems to know. another mystery for another detective.
but someone we found ourselves at coles buying banana pops
and eating them.
it seemed to suffice.
seemed to.
alas, not all things can be perfect.
we do live on an imperfect world.
i think its what they call earth.
so be it.
i shall never be able to return to my homeland.
